Ok, I have a lot of weight to lose. I know this. I have a goal weight of 150. This means I have 140 pounds to lose to reach my goal. It's a really big number but it's doable. I know how to get there. I know what I need to do to succeed. I know what I should and should not be eating. I know what exercise my body responds best to. I have successfully lost weight before. So why is this time so hard? Why does this feel like an ongoing struggle?
I always start out strong. I eat right, exercise, and the weight starts to drop right off. I feel amazing during this period. I start fitting into my cloths better. I have more energy. I feel good about myself. So why does that always come crashing down? I feel like I am a crash test dummy! Speeding forward only to hit a brick wall.
Well, I was reading something today that may give me a clue. I think the problem lie's not in my execution but in my goals!
You see until tonight my goal has been that big number. 140 pounds! That is huge. In my recent pursuit of weight loss glory I have been focusing on that number. In the past year there have been times when I was down 30 pounds or more. This seems like a big number until you put it up next to my goal.
I still have so far to go. I start to get depressed. I lose focus. I cry about the 110 instead of celebrating the 30. This causes me to lose motivation. "Why work so hard for so little results!?!" starts playing in my head. Then I start missing workouts. I start sleeping later. I start eating to drown out the noise in my head. The voices telling me that I have failed again, that I am worthless, that I will never beat this. It does not take long for me to end up back where I started, or worse. I find myself faced with that number again. 140. Always there, always tormenting me. I feel defeated, disgusted, and disgraced.
I am back at that number again. 140. It haunts my dreams and lurks around corners and in the shadows waiting for a chance to jump out and knock me down again. 140. Like the bully at school, whose greatest pleasure was the suffering of others. 140. My demon. 140. My constant companion.
Well not any more. I am not falling for that trap again. My goal is 10 pounds. I am going to celebrate that 10 pounds. I am going to treat it like the holiday that it is. 10 pounds is not only doable and realistic, but it's also a challenge. 10 pounds is a step in the process. 10 pounds puts me closer to the endzone. 10 pounds is my friend. My best friend.
And when I have reached that 10 pounds, when I have celebrated that 10 pounds, I will start to look forward, toward the next 10.
And the next.
And the next.
Till one day I will be standing at the other side of my nemesis. Till I have the upper hand in the fight with my bully. Till I am standing at the gates of 140 and laughing.
10 pounds. I can do that!