Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Long Over Due

I really am struggling with keeping up with my fitness and diet goals. It is so frustrating when I can be knocked off the wagon so easily and then have to struggle back on and try again. I do keep trying but until I can make it a consistent habit to exercise and eat right I am not going to get anywhere! I blame my disordered life but really I am getting everything pretty organized these days. I blame my hectic schedule but it's not that hectic anymore. I blame depression but the depression is mild and is mostly caused by my unfit lifestyle.

I can't keep laying the blame on everything in my life when in the end I am making the choice to exercise or not, I am making the choice of eating a salad or cake! My disordered life, hectic schedule and mild depression are not making these choices for me! I have to learn to own my choices and understand that in the end I am the only one who can take the blame for the way my day is going.

I have gained back every bit of weight that I have lost. Yeah, I said it! I am back to only working out occasionally (usually with Whit pushing me every step) and to eating whatever I happen to feel like (which is generally something that is processed and easy). All of my aches and pains have returned and I can't tell you when the last time was that I got in a full 8 glasses of water in a day.

I have got to change this pattern!

I have been reading Annette's Awakening for a while now and her story is a lot like mine, with one exception! She changed! She made the decision to be healthy and then she did it. She got on that wagon and rode it to a 70 lb weight lose! She learned to own her choices and it is paying off immensely for her!

I want that too!

So for the first time I am posting pictures of myself, right now, the way I am today. I am posting my numbers. I am posting my fitness level. I am basically opening myself up for everyone to see! I want a clean slate to draw my life on! So consider this post the cleaning of the slate. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to embrace it anew!

Front view:

Side view:

Back view:

Goal Pants (These fit me at the beginning of the year. Now I couldn't hope to get them on):

(I had no idea that I looked like that. Seeing these pictures for the first time nearly made me cry. I have an image in my head of what I look like and that is not it at all. I have got to get this figured out, I don't want to be that person in the picture anymore. )

My numbers (in inches):
Upper Arms=19.25
Lower Arms=12.5


Fitness Level:
Push Ups= 0
Sit Ups= 0
Running= 15 seconds

I look forward to seeing those numbers change as the weeks and months pass by! I am going to weigh in every week but I will only do the photos and measurements once a month! For now I am going to work on walking every day and eating every 3 to 4 hours. I will make more changes later as I get used to this first part of my journey. I will think of it as if it was the Oregon Trail Game and do my best to make decisions that will enable me to continue on this bumpy wagon trail!

Thank you to all of my blogger friends who have stuck with me through it all. I sure hope you can hang on a little longer because I really appreciate you all and look forward to your comments and encouragement!

Happy Training,
Love Jenn


MCM Mama said...

Good luck! We'll be cheering you on!

Alisa said...

I think you have a good attitude...stay positive and we'll all be cheering you on. Stay on track just think of all the peeps that are supporting you.

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

You can do it, Jenn!

I think we all struggle with "getting it right" and then one day it just clicks and it all comes together. You have a great attitude and I'm sure your "click" is right around the corner.

Hang in there.

MizFit said...

yepyep cheering you on from Texas and loudly loving that you posted pictures for us.

you can do this and we are all with you on the road to your success, Jenn!

Miz. who echoes your admiration for all things Annette.

nmburleson said...

You did a great thing taking these pictures! It forced you to stop being in denial and see where you are at right now! Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. I'll be here cheering you on!!!

Linda said...

Jenn - You are ME!

Oh my gosh I started out in May at 296. I have been working out at the gym pretty faithfully since then and have lost inches but not pounds. I joined Weight Watchers out of desperation to finally see results, and I've not lost a teensy-bit less than 10 lbs.

I understand the struggle and backsliding and depression and being busy. I sooooo get it.

You need to get to the place where you are mentally ready again. Then put you first. Plan your food. Stick as tight as you can. Plan your fitness - definitely stick to that.

No one said it would be easy - I want easy - my inner spoiled brat wants easy easy easy. It isn't happening.

I'll be out here for you! You can do it.

PS - I love Annette's blog, too.


Laura said...

Jenn, if it makes you feel better, I've been doing really poorly with diet and exercise lately too. You probably should take me out of the 21 day challenge, as I haven't stayed on it for a while :(

We can get back on track and do this!

Charlotte said...

What a brave post, Jenn! You are strong and smart and capable. You can totally do this. I'm rooting for you:)

new*me said...

go Jenn!!! I am sooo proud of you for putting yourself out there. My friend Ruthie convinced me to start a blog and post pics and numbers. It wasn't "REAL" to me until I did. I have to say it shocked me to see how I looked and what my numbers were. It was very liberating at the same time. I hope you find the same freedom in baring it all, so to speak. Having a monthly pic along the way is very motivating!

You are on the way!

Jenn said...

Thank you all so much for your support. I really appreciate it!

Laura, I won't take you off of the 21 day list because you at least put yourself out there and tried. I am not doing so well either as you can see but making the attempt is the important part. Maybe you will blow us all away on the next 21 day challenge. Who can tell!


Adrianna D'Angelo said...

Honey, this is not a derailment. It's like a step off the tracks to remind you that the tracks are where you actually want to be.
You know everything you need to do, Jenn. YOU CAN DO IT.
My best advice (as if you asked!) is to do some deep therapeutic work as well. Examine your life and yourself. With professional help, or by reading, or journaling... the book Spiritual Doodles and Mental Leapfrogs was so helpful to me.
Also, get your hands on some material about depression and nutrition- Potatoes Not Prozac is a start (I think some of the suggestions are too extreme... but the rationale behind them may give you some insight and motivation).
I love reading your blog, and I'm here to cheer you on.
Now go transform yourself! :)

Brianna said...

You look like a woman who is ready to take those scary, yet wonderful, first steps. You have a goal - that's the perfect place to start! Wishing you the best as you take those positive steps to get there. You can do it!!!!!

Marcy said...

YOU CAN DO IT!! I KNOW you can! You've already made the right steps, now just roll with it! (easier said than done, right? LOL) We'll be cheering you on!

Xenia said...

Stick with that positive attitude. Try not to let the setbacks get you down. Those are inevitable and they need to be worked through. You CAN do this. I've made it halfway to my goal weight only to see me gain almost ten pounds back these last few months. I can and am turning it around though and so can you. I believe in you, Jenn.

Btw, you are brave and doing the right thing with posting the photos and stats. I did something similar with a few very close family and friends, but I am still not brave enough to do so on my blog. Maybe someday.

Hang in there, friend. You can do it.

Trihardist said...

Wow, Jenn. It takes courage to expose yourself to the scrutiny of the whole world. Fortunately, you have a cadre of the most loving and supportive voices around!

Good luck! We'll all be here to watch your victories, big and small :-)